My wife comes into my office the other day all excited. She’s holding a medium-sized Amazon box.
“So right here I got something you’re really going to be excited about,” she says, grinning. My neck hairs know from experience to prickle at statements like this.
I’m on the iMac in the midde of trying to edit photos. I stop and look at her. “Um, okay. Do you think excited is the right word?”
“Yes. For sure. You should totally be excited.”
I stare at her. The ‘should’ is not lost on me.
“I mean it. Sooo excited.” I detect low-level sarcasm. She cuts the tape on the box, which is a rectangle about 20“ long by about 7” wide by 4″ deep. Admittedly, I’m curious.
“That can’t hold a 2013 Mustang GT500,” I say, “so excited might be a strong word.”
“It sure can’t,” she says, “but it can hold this!”
This here is a cat poop scoop. I stare at it, thinking that since it came from Amazon, my wife actually searched ‘cat poop scoop’ and read reviews about people and their experiences removing cat waste from a litter box. Our ISP has probably flagged us as lunatics. I make a mental note to check the iMac’s browser history later.
What’s worse, I immediately note this thing has “peaked blades” so the litter “slides into the box.” I catch myself actually getting caught up in the feature/benefit (F&B for you marketing pros out there) ticklist of a poop shovel. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
I look at her and squint. She’s just smiling.
I decide to play the game.
“The logo cat looks pretty relaxed,” I say. “Maybe it’s because he’s not stepping in his own poo all the time because he has an insane owner who orders a custom poop scoop from Amazon with peaked blades so the litter falls back down into the box. He’s living the life, that cat. Any cat who gets poop scoops from Amazon Prime is doing something right. That cat is 2D on a sticker and he owns you. Am I right?” I ask sarcastically.
“Maybe!” she says. Not the response I was expecting.
“Is that all that’s in that box? Please tell me no. Because aside from the product itself, that overpackaging.” I give her a fake eye roll.
“That’s it! Just this awesome litter scoop!” She gets up, looks at it adoringly, and walks out.
I need to steal some of her hair to get her tested.
Have a good weekend, everyone.