Today I am going to make up questions from imaginary readers and then answer them in a Q & A format. For those of you keeping track, this does indeed mean I’ve gone completely bananas. Then again, I’m starting to think that’s what you expect from these Friday posts. Here goes.
Q: Seriously, are you nuts?
A: Probably. I’ve been told such on more than one occasion. I tell myself it’s all in the name of creativity and being a ‘writer’ (note the apologetic quotes there), but I don’t think I’m fooling anyone, including myself. On an unrelated note, I’m pretty sure I can communicate with cats.
Q: Are you having a hard time coming up with Friday posts? It sort of seems like you are.
A: What gives you that impression? Just because my last two Friday posts involve made up emails from pretend correspondents and a schizophrenic Q & A self-interview doesn’t mean I’m struggling at all. I’m a professional; I’m well above mere nuisances like writer’s block. To come up with a Friday post, all I have to do is lie awake in bed lightly sweating for a night or two per week, talk to myself, and suppress my growing curiosity about combat knives and we’re all good. I also argue with podcasts in my car, but that has nothing to do with the creative process.
Q: What book are you reading right now?
A: The Dirty Life, by Kristin Kimball. It’s about a metropolitan chic urbanite-turned-farmer. It’s about the author falling in love with a self-possessed farmer named Mark, choosing a future with him, and the transition from city-dweller to full-on farmer. It’s fascinating, especially the areas in which Kimball talks about how much work the farming life is, but how much she came to appreciate it’s simplicity, physical labor and connection to her food and ecosystem. Reading it, I can’t help but think we all should be required to work a year on a farm. I think it would result in a lot less whining.
Q: If you could buy any car right now for track purposes, what would you look at first?
A: The 2012 Mustang Boss 302. This thing is ripping up tracks everywhere and besting cars three times its price. Previously, I would have said a Nissan GT-R, but every time I say this I get into huge arguments with Gayla Burns, a Corvette enthusiast, and then things get thrown and broken and we get put into time-outs by people who don’t understand cars. So now I am aligning myself with the Mustang out of sheer self-preservation, because Gayla has a wicked arm on her. I mean it. When she was younger, she tells me, she used to throw a pigskin over them mountains.
Q: Can you do any funny accents?
A: Yes and no. I do this flimsy British thing, which is so flawed, so deeply wrong on just about every level, that it winds up something new altogether, which is funny unto itself. But is it funny because it’s a good British acccent? No. As my good British friend Stuart told me once after a Red Wings game, “You should never again do that accent for any reason, for anyone, ever. You’re embarrassing yourself, mate.” He gave me a solemn look and didn’t smile a bit. Then he ordered a hamburger and that was that.
Q: What are your thoughts on spiders?
A: They’re not insects. They’re subterranean demons who do us the service of eating bugs to endear themselves to us. Address with extreme prejudice.
Q: You’re a strange person and are making me uncomfortable. Maybe we stop doing this and you just give us some links?
A: Yes, okay. Probably a good idea.
Gout is on the rise in America, right alongside diabetes and hypertension. No correlation, I’m sure. *cough*
If you have an iPhone, iPad or iPod Touch, you owe it to yourself to get Shaun Inman’s game, The Last Rocket. It’s a throwback 8-bit platformer, and it brings back the good ol’ days for those of you who grew up with Nintendos and Commodore 64s. Why are you still reading this?
Postcardly turns your emails into postcards delivered in real-life by the US Postal Service. Great for friends and family who don’t use email.
Have a great weekend, everyone.
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